Wednesday, January 28, 2015

SIX FOXES

'Sometimes I feel like you have no end to the uncanny arguments.'  I said.

'Well Mr.Rogers, Why don't, you effin leave me then?' She said aggravated by her own tone.

'Babe, you have no clue what you are doing to yourself. I can't see you hurting me and yourself as days passes by. Why can't you just tell me what has been wrong with you from past few months. All I am asking is the reason for your intrusive behavior. Please. Let me help you. I love you.'

'Enough. Stop your gibberish. Leave me alone. Just move, dammit. Why did I even concur to marry you. You are a fool. Oh no! Maybe I am, to have you talking here. Nonsense!'

At times she never knew what she had ended up exclaiming. I was not able to recognize her puzzled side. Was there something bothering her from past few days? Or was it me just annoying the heck out of her after 10 years of marriage? I couldn't say anything except consoling my inner self, that 'she is just going through a phase of disconnection. Give her time, and she will show me the best love ever required.'

At times, she would not sleep at all. And at times, she would sleep for two days straight without a say. There were moments, when she used to wake up disturbed and would start painting the faces of a fox without using the brushes or a bright color palette.

I had also seen her smirking to herself while painting the foxes using her dirty hands mixed with chalk and black ink.

'Babe, are you okay? Lets make love. I haven't felt you in a decade. Let me rewind your troubles' I mustered courage to ask her in the middle of the night.

While being busy in her chore, she used to blabber a kind of mantra which gave her strength to seek revenge on something she was trying to conceal.

'Arghhhhhh. Marry the night
                     Or let it go
                     You can't screw my light
                     Fucked up the glow. 
                     I won't tolerate this, I won't I l show
                    The way you screwed me up 
                    Was hell a globe.' She kept blabbering this while painting the gawky faces.

I sat down, watched her non-stop, incompetent to help but see her suffer. She still wouldn't say anything to me. I had started to fall apart now. All my efforts were in vain. Then one night she tried to confess something.

'Bruce.' she murmured while lying in the bed

'Yes huny, do you need anything?' Water? Food? Blankets?

'Umm. No. Umm. I mean, ummm I don't know. I am confused.'

'Confused about what huny? Please tell me what is it that's bothering you.'

'Bruce. I am torn.'

'Torn? Umm I did not get you love. What do you mean by torn?'

'You ask me right if I am okay. Or if I need medical help.'

'Eh. Yea babe. Go on.' I said, disturbed.

'They used to wear the masks of the foxes. Six of those. I....I.' She tried to speak while weeping.

'Yea?'

'They were foxes Bruce. I did not know how to react. They tore me apart. They took me far. Very far.'

Hearing this, I hadn't known how to submit my reactions to her.

'They did not hear me once. They just kept scratching my chastity. They didn't let me go. They did not care if I was alive or dead. Six of those foxes. No names. No known resemblances. I don't know where I was supposed to be that day. They stabbed every inch of mine with their claws. I am gone. Long gone seeking vengeance from my own self. I am not alive Bruce. Inside of me, there is a dead soul who can't be revived. Six of those. I can't think. H...e....l....p..........B..ru...' She was fainting while saying all this.

And she passed out unconscious. My face had turned blue hearing all of her talks. I got up.

'Valerie...Valerie...Val..Oh my god. What do I do? Val..Please get up. You can't just leave me out of the blue and end us here. Val..please. Don't do this. I will die without you. Don't leave me alone.'
 I lamented while trying to wake her up from the state she had gone into.

But she was gone. Gone to be amidst the stars. Be free. To not seek revenge but free herself from the bondage of the animals she had been surrounded with. To feel herself in her own community of peace. To live within no limits. To have a peaceful life. She died with pain inside of her. She had gone for all of this. I was left solitary.  Once again. She left me to free her from the restrictions of the society, love, family. Everything she was considered a part of.

And she was to me, a form of true love. Who was tormented to not live.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Wailing, sobbing, felt like a part of me was gone with her. When I heard a sudden voice which said : 'Six of those. No names. No resemblances. They were the FOXES.'


Tuesday, January 27, 2015

JOY.LOVE.FOREVER.

It was just a moment of love
the life was all about
the ifs and games
we played around with each other. 
I knew I was concealing the utter 
differences we had 
But I wanted to believe in the
mysterious love story
the dark and bitter sides of you
the way that a smell of coffee lingers
is the way your smell had melted on my stole.

Kiss me once,
I kiss you twice
let the world know tonight
that we can't be messed with
let the world know
that we are made of
care
sympathy
desperation
ecstasy
joy
and
organs of us.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Parayi Dosti

Inhi baaton ke charche hum ne kiye the
Jinse pyar ka rukh pura hua hai
Dar se darke bhi na dare hum
Tune usi ehsaas ko fir zinda kiya hai..

________________________________________________________________


Khwab hai toh kya
Pura to hona hi hai
Jeeke bhi jo na jeete hum
Aisa rona hi hai
Dost nahi woh ko kehte hai ye
Ke pass na rahenge 
Marne par hum
Khwab hi sahi, kya karega unka
Jo therey na tere sang har kadam.